What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
