I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I smell like Dick and happiness
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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