well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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