he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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