I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
