At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
