have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
