Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
