found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
