it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
