I'm so fucking centered right now
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
