so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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