mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
