um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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