You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
