I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
