Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
