I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
