doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
