I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Mom said you looked used
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
