one two three fourrrrnication!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
