I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize