wanna go halves on a baby?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
