my text book just quoted the cookie monster
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
