so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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