So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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