Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Send help, water and tortillas.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
