I'm going to jail i love you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
