She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
a search helicopter?!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
