Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
