so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
