Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
