The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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