moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
