You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
