these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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