I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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