Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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