im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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