Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We have started to decorate penises.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I believe in your delicious
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
