I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
