Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
