I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
