I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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