dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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