i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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