Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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