haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
