There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
