a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
