apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
