you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
