I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
