They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
