Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
